DVD Review: A Tale of Legendary Libido

DVD Review: A Tale of Legendary Libido

  <!– P { margin-bottom: 0.08in; } –> A Tale of Legendary Libido begins with a wooden nose, broken off a statue, that looks just like a penis. It’s been somehow activated by a widow’s prayer for a man to ‘reliever her loneliness’. When someone picks up the nose, a couple dozen young men in loincloths suddenly appear and have sex with everyone (and everything) in sight. Since this can disrupt a village’s daily routine, the magic wang is buried, hopefully never to be seen again. But of course it is, or there wouldn’t be a movie. Later, the village has become a place where traditional gender roles are switched: women are sexually aggressive, and the men are too passive to even challenge a group of thugs from a neighboring village. All except Byun. Byun can run off the bad guys, but after an unfortunate experience where his crotch was set on fire, he can’t satisfy any woman in bed. The women of the village relentlessly make fun of him for his lack of skill and equipment. It’s even worse because his brother, Kang-mok, is the manliest of the manly men, coveted by all the women. Byun forms a crush on beautiful newcomer Darling, who earns the enmity of the other women when their men play Peeping Tom while she’s bathing. Meanwhile, an old man who was around during the original magic wang incident drops back in with his grandson. He takes pity on Byun and tells him where to find the buried nose, and that by sipping the wine it was buried in, he cane become a real...
Fiona + Toby 4Eva: A Harvest Moon Love Story

Fiona + Toby 4Eva: A Harvest Moon Love Story

<!– P { margin-bottom: 0.08in; } –> Harvest Moon: Animal Parade is one in a series of farm sim games. You run a virtual farm with livestock and crops, you can supplement your harvest with fishing and mining, and you can make friends and develop a romantic attachment. It’s just like real farm life except with no dangerous chemicals and none of your animals ever get taken down by coyotes. My avatar, Fiona, moved to the island of Castanet…why? I assume to escape some sort of terrible home life. Upon moving there, the Mayor of nearby Harmonica Town just handed over an abandoned farm, complete with house, barn, chicken coop and field. It was probably the site of a horrific family slaying, hence its abandoned status, but the Mayor certainly wasn’t going to tell Fiona that. <!– P { margin-bottom: 0.08in; } –> Time marched on, and Fiona acquired poultry, livestock, more fields and some friends. Her friendship levels with every freaking thing in the game- from villagers to her animals to random wild animals that show no fear of humans and thus will probably soon be hunted to extinction- were meticulously recorded on a graph with a bunch of little hearts. She could make more friends the old-fashioned way: by giving them stuff. Fish, flowers, food, stuff she cooked…people just wanted stuff, and Fiona was pathetically happy to feed their materialism in the interest of gaining their friendship. After a while though, she was no longer content with just having friends. Fiona had been working this damned farm for a year and a half. The farm was expanding-...
R.I.P. Run Run Shaw

R.I.P. Run Run Shaw

Just what it says on the box: legendary producer (with his brother, of course) Run Run Shaw has died at the impressive age of 106. For decades the Shaw Brothers were a force to be reckoned with in the world of cheap & popular Hong Kong cinema. This filmography will show you exactly how prolific and influential they were. This New York Times article has a pretty decent summary of his life and work. And here is a clip from one of my favorite Shaw Brothers films, The Five Deadly Venoms. Love them, hate them or don’t really care, there’s no denying just how important the Shaw Brothers were to world cinema....
Godzilla 2014 May Not Suck

Godzilla 2014 May Not Suck

As we are all aware, there’s a new, American-made Godzilla film coming in 2014. For a long time I thought “Eeeeew more American Godzilla WTF.” but the new trailer that was just released today made me waver. We see soldiers parachuting with flares, lots of buildings crumbling and things exploding, a girl looking scared and the dad from Malcolm in the Middle (I think maybe he’s been in some other series recently that people liked) seeming anguished. And then, the moment we’ve all been waiting for…the roar. It was the roar that melted my hard, hard heart. Godzilla’s roar is one of the most iconic sounds in cinema (along with the Star Wars lightsaber noise and the transporter sound from Star Trek and the TARDIS from Doctor Who) and hearing it, nomatter where I am or what I am watching, sends a shiver up my spine. And good old Gojira looks right (from what you can see through the fog)- he looks like a slightly updated version of our favorite pug-faced ancient reptile. The new film comes out in May, and I can finally say I’m excited to see it. In conclusion, here is a picture of a keychain of Hello Kitty dressed as King Ghidorah. Because why the hell not.        ...
Happy Halloween! 13 Horror Film Review for You

Happy Halloween! 13 Horror Film Review for You

Happy Halloween Eve everyone! Here’s a treat for the night before: reviews on 13 scary movies I watched this month so you don’t have to. <!– P { margin-bottom: 0.08in; } –> Intruders (2011) Intruders benefits enormously from the presence of Clive Owen, manliest of the manly men. I hadn’t seen him in anything for a while, so it was a bit of a thrill. Unfortunately, even with Clive Owen, this movie is just okay. The film tells two parallel stories: one about a little boy named Juan in Spain, who is tormented by a demon/spirit/monster without a face, and another about a 12-year-old girl in England named Mia. On a trip to her grandparents’ country house, Mia finds an old, handwritten story in a hollow tree. The story is about a faceless creature called Hollowface, that stalks children to steal their features. She copies it and presents it as her own work in school, and apparently Hollowface takes this as permission to start messing with her. Her adoring father, John, is the only other person who can see this monster. As psychiatrists discuss the possibility of a folies a deux, John and Mia try to figure out how to vanquish this monster. <!– P { margin-bottom: 0.08in; } –> Intruders has a solid premise, but it relies heavily on a double twist, the first of which is telegraphed well in advance. The end is anti-climactic, with the tired solution of love saving us all. The has some genuinely creepy moments, as when Juan and his mother see Hollowface in a church (or do they?) but a sub-plot about...